Hard-working and ambitious, I invested decades in building my career. Work consumed every waking hour and sleep was something to minimize in a struggle to conquer the world.
Even after I achieved my career goals, I found myself in the office later and later each night. I realized that it wasn’t work that chained me to a desk and computer. It was a subconscious dread at the thought of my empty home. On the surface, I had everything I had ever dreamed of, everything I had worked for. But it was hollow and unfulfilling because I had no one to share my accomplishments with.
Every businessman has tales of the missed opportunity. An early shot at Apple stock, an offer to sit on a board, maybe a product launch that was delayed. You look back on those chances with regret and curse your shortsightedness.
In a similar manner, I hated myself for being such a workaholic. For years, I snickered at the countless hours my colleagues wasted while chasing women. I had always thought dating was a waste of time. But now I realized how foolish I had been.
So I bravely decided to plunge into the nightlife. I had excelled at college and then conquered my business goals, so why would finding a soulmate be any different?
Within minutes at the local meat market, I was crushed.
This was like nothing I had ever encountered. Women wouldn’t talk to me and men thought nothing of just brushing me aside at the bar. At work, I was a master of the universe. In the social scene, I was a gnat of inconsequence. But I was determined, so I plowed blindly ahead.
On those rare occasions I did get a woman to talk to me, we were absurdly incompatible. I had nothing in common with these people. They might have been perfectly decent human beings, but they weren’t for me.
I realized that I don’t want a hook up. I don’t want a one-night-stand. I want a wife.
But nothing seemed to work. I tried everything that my friends, family members, and female friends told me. Nothing seemed to bring me any closer to a wife, to a partner I could trust and love.
Unconvinced that I would ever recognize a return on my love investment, I started telling myself that I would die alone. That my business would be my legacy and that I could while away my retirement playing with the toys my success provided. I thought there weren’t any options for men like me.
A summer intern seemed to radiate energy whenever he walked in the room. Everyone hung on his every word and employees of both genders wanted to be in his presence. He worked hard and excelled in our program but always seemed to have a good time.
One afternoon, after the office was empty, I gave him some advice. “Don’t get too consumed with work that you lose sight of everything else,” I warned. I was guarded in my comments, trying to avoid revealing too much about my personal life.
He calmly and openly told me that he once struggled to make eye contact with women. But that a PUA (Pick Up Artist) company called Stylelife had changed his life. He described a system of socializing that appealed to my analytical brain. He discussed a talented and devoted team of dating experts that inspired confidence in my business instincts. Then he announced that he is just starting what he calls the “Attraction Mastermind Group” and that there is a PUA test in which you can test your seduction skills. If you pass the test, you can join his group.
I was so excited, my hands were almost shaking as I typed in the URL.
It wasn’t easy, but over time, I learned concrete techniques to improve my social life. At first glance, it might seem these strategies were better suited to young men in their twenties, guys who hang around loud nightclubs scouting for women in low-cut tops. But in actuality, the Stylelife techniques are applicable to any age, any location, any geography. And the company’s team of professionals included men my own age, men who were accomplished and successful in life. So I felt very comfortable partnering with them.
For example, qualification and disqualification are techniques that seem counterintuitive at first. But in reality, they help you ensure that people you spend time with share your goals, that they’re a match for your ambitions and your values. Qualification can help a young guy get a hook up. It can also help a mature man like me get the wife I want.
During conversation with a woman, ask questions about their goals in life or what they are looking for in a relationship. Set-up the topic by stating your own position, first.
“Having a family is really important to me,” you can say. “You seem like you might still be into sewing your wild oats. We might not be able to hang out.”
Say this with a smile so that you don’t come across as judgmental or overly harsh. But also say it with a confidence in your principles.
A key aspect of qualification is to realize that you do have choices. If someone doesn’t fit what you’re looking for in life, then you do not have to spend time with them. Simply move on to a more suitable partner.
Qualification is one of the techniques that allowed me to cut through the incompatible women in the social scene. While I wanted to focus my energy on my social life, I still worked long hours and didn’t have time to waste on party girls or immature people. Qualification enabled me to make effective, efficient decisions.
And as a result, the return on my investment was beyond my wildest dreams. Meeting my wife was like taking a company public and earning a billion dollars in a single day. I wanted a wife and I found one.
Before Stylelife, I thought I would just be alone with my work. Now, I have someone to share my labors with. And just like there was hope for me, I also know there is hope for you.